Day 64: Dear Fellow White People

There's an article going around in certain circles on Facebook.  It's sort of dry and utilitarian, but in essence it says that white people don't talk about race on social media.  Black people do (it doesn't give information for other non-white races) but white people don't, because our social media conversations tend to reflect our real life conversations, and those of us who fall into the melanin-challenged category do not choose to discuss race.

Fellow white people, that's gotta change.

Yup.  If you look like me, I'm talking to you.

I get why we don't want to.  How can I not?  I am white, I know the white experience.  We're worried we'll offend someone, either by expressing what we honestly feel or by simply choosing the wrong words.  We feel awkward and out of place, like we're sticking our nose into something that doesn't concern us.  We're afraid of being called out when we're wrong, and we're also nervous that we might find out we're really, really wrong.  We are scared of the whole roiling mess that we don't know how to solve, and so we avoid it.  We don't talk about it.  We let it pass us by.

Here's the problem:

We are the makers of the mess.  

It isn't separate from us.  We created it, and now we gotta deal with it.  It's not just partially our problem, it is entirely our problem.  Non-white people are only part of the mess because we made our mess on them.  They didn't make it, and they shouldn't be tasked with cleaning it up. 

It doesn't matter that we don't know how to solve it.  Not knowing a solution immediately doesn't absolve you of the obligation to try to fix the situation.  You have to think about it, talk about it, and be willing to try.  It is one of the weirdest aspects of white superiority that we have this huge problem we don't know how to solve, so instead of admitting our own failing we just pretend that it isn't our problem in the first place.  We don't seem to realize that this doesn't make us superior, it just makes us foolish.

Dr King understood the need to talk

It doesn't matter that we're scared.  Our fear, and the ensuing discomfort from confronting that fear, are really not relevant compared to the daily impact that racism causes.  Imagine, if you will, that a woman told her partner that they needed to talk about the fact that he kept hitting her, and he, in turn, said that they couldn't, because he was too scared.  Is there a scenario in which you would accept that as a valid excuse?  No? 

Then being scared of this is not a valid excuse for any of us.

Yeah.

Not wanting to offend anyone is great, but it's a piss poor reason to keep silent.  Just follow the basic rules: if someone isn't white, listen to them first.  Think about what they say to you.  If there's something you don't understand, don't challenge it, just ask for clarification, or, better yet, go do some reading on the subject and THEN ask for clarification, if you still don't understand.  Remember that any anger or frustration someone has is justified, and you need to listen to and accept that anger. 

 Oh Matt Damon.  Yer doing it wrong.

Last but not least, it really doesn't matter that we don't want to find out where we're wrong.  Finding out where we're wrong is, in fact, the entire point.  (So, I guess in that regard Matt Damon is doing okay, if he's learned something.)  It's like saying you don't want medical testing, because they might find cancer.  It's stupid.  Finding the cancer is the only way to tackle getting rid of it.  Finding out the ways you hold on to subconscious racism is the only way you can start to be less racist.

I've got a newsflash for you:  You're going to find some racism.  Like any other pervasive societal system, racism is rooted in all of us.  It's hidden in expectations or reactions we never think to challenge.  And I know--I KNOW--what it's like to find yourself suddenly confronted by a bigotry you didn't even realize you were harboring.  It's terrible!  You not only feel guilty about the thing you found, it also makes it impossibl to forget that there's probably more in there somewhere, just waiting to pop out when you least expect it.

 Just cause you ignore it doesn't mean it's not there.

But, my fellow white people, we have to accept this.  We have to accept that among all our other wonderful qualities--things that make us good, honest, decent people--we have some things that make us oppressors, too. 

We have to be willing to look at them honestly.

We have to be willing to talk about them openly.

And we have to be willing to listen--always, always listen--to others who might know better than us where our hidden problems lie. 

All of which means we have to be a part of the conversation.  So come on, y'all.  Let's buckle on our big kid pants and do the hard thing because that is what's RIGHT.

Let's talk about race.