Day 90: My Kingdom For a Fighting Woman

Okay, so...

This post kinda came from a mental rabbit hole, but whatever.  It's tech week, I'm tired, and y'all like it when I ramble.  Right?

RIGHT?

I went searching for a picture of a warrior woman.  I wanted to use it to make an image with the word "FORTIFY" emblazoned across it, for a Facebook post.  I thought this would take, maybe, two seconds.

I should know better.

So, let's start with this.  If you search "warrior" on Google Image, this is what you get:

My goodness.  That's a lot of dudes.  A whole-frakkin-boatload of 'em.  Not a lady in the bunch.  Let's just scroll down, shall we?  And see how long it takes us to find a woman?

 Nope

 Nope

AH!  Here we go.  Some women, at last.  But... hold on...

 Original by marko djurdjevic at deviantart.com

Seriously?  That's a thief, and a sorceress, and... Okay, that last one IS kinda cool.  But she's also NAKED.  She's got boots and drawers and then a whole bunch of accessories.  I'm not one to scorn a good accessory, but how is she gonna fight with her boobs flying all over the place?  Not to mention, that just seems impractical in the way of armor.

Okay, I think to myself, clearly this is just a searching problem.  Lemme refine my search.  Here we go.  Warrior WOMEN...

Da Fuq. 

Seriously, we got naked ladies, more naked ladies, and, oh yeah, some naked ladies!  Also, they're all very "oh see how pretty I am, as I stand here with my weapon of choice."  Apparently archers get a little more love.  They're allowed to actually wield their weapon, and not just display it like some geek porn check marker.
"I wanna see a girl with a big axe.  Like, a REALLY big axe.  But make her soft and vulnerable."

UGGGGGGGH!

Wanna see some of my favorites? 

You know you do.

Let's hear it for the mother of crows!  Who doesn't protect her heart, but has some truly stellar NIPPLE armor.  Cause that's the most important part, obviously.

original available from wallpaperup.com

"But, how does that protect your vital organs?"
"Oh, I'm not human.  Everything critical to life support fits neatly behind this chastity belt."
"Oh, well, that's--"
"Also I wax.  In this traditional high fantasy world.  Candles are expensive to melt down just for some grooming, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do."

This one is better!  She's got armor and a sword and everything!  Probably good they have her standing in a traditional sex kitten pose.  OTHERWISE WE MIGHT NOT HAVE NOTICED SHE'S A LADY!!!

original image from spynet.ru

I literally cannot even.
I just can't.

WHERE ARE MY FIGHTING WOMEN?!?!??!!  Not the ones in pretty poses, the ones "accidentally" being gorgeous while they fondle their bo staffs.  Where are the ones streaked with blood, screaming with unbridled battle fury at their opponent? 

I KNOW THEY MUST EXIST SOMEWHERE!

But I cannot find them

So, I'm off.  Leaving you with one final question.

What the hell is THIS shit?

unmarked image available for download at dreamstime.com

*All the image in this post are screenshotted from a google search.  Where I could find the original, I've tagged the source.