You know what's funny to me? Bitterly, soul-twistingly funny? The way the #metoo movement made public figures say, "It's a scary time to be a man in America."
Because, you know, mens' jobs were at stake if people judged their behavior to be inappropriate.
They weren't going to get raped.
They weren't going to get stalked.
They weren't going to get beaten or killed for refusing someone.
They weren't going to have their bodily autonomy stripped from them.
They were gonna lose their income. And that made it a scary time for men.
The other hilarious bit was how cranky they got if you didn't empathize with them. They wanted a "yeah, I know, it's a really scary time for men, and I promise I'll always give you the benefit of the doubt, so don't worry, you've got at least one woman vouching that you're a good guy," kind of response. And if, instead, you gave them a "boo-fuckin' hoo" then they got their manly britches all up in a wad.
Must have been really hard on them. Having to behave to keep their money, and having that self-inflicted wedgie.
I'm really reflecting on that a lot, as I watch six states strip women of their fundamental right to bodily autonomy. As they make horrifyingly restrictive laws with the full intent of taking it to the Supreme Court and having Roe v. Wade overturned thanks to our new Cheeto-appointed Supremes. As I consider what it means to be a woman in America, and as I struggle with the almost overpowering sense of rage I feel.
Men, I love some of you. But I am so tired of your bullshit.
Even our so-called allies slip so easily into making it about them. About their feelings. About the cookies they need to feel appreciated. About their offense that someone might point out how they're-- well--acting just like a man in a particular scenario.
Here's a fun story for you about me realizing my own internal sexism. Ready?
When my spouse transitioned, I realized I was far less forgiving of her than I had ever been of him. It took me a while to notice, but once I did, I made a profound realization. I've always been more forgiving of men. See, I just don't expect that much from them. I think most women don't. We expect them not to understand. We expect them to need "lots of tries" to get emotions right. We expect them to be lesser beings in almost every way, while insisting they continue to hold the majority of the power.
As it happens, I approve of the standards to which I hold women. But, obviously, I couldn't keep holding men and women to a different level, could I? So, it was either relax my standards for women, or tighten them up for men.
Guess which I chose?
I'd tell you I regretted the fact that a number of men now think I'm kind of a bitch, but that would be a blatant lie. Every man who gets offended that I'm not smiling and laughing along with his privilege anymore is another human being I can stop giving a shit about.
You know what else is funny? The horror over the anger of women. Everyone is just ass-over-teakettle that women are so angry, and that some of us are showing it. Men are terrified, women are shocked, and everyone is just all aflutter. Because, honestly, what do we have to be angry about? Don't we know that in other countries, we might be asked to die on our husband's funeral pyre? Shouldn't we just be grateful that we have it as good as we do, and stop making trouble?
Our spouses can no longer legally rape us. I mean, if we can prove it was non-consensual. And, I mean, if we report it. Because despite the extremely low rate of false reporting, there's still an incredibly high rate of disbelief. And, of course, if we do prove it in court, they'll get less jail time than a woman in Alabama who has an abortion after her husband rapes her.
BUT WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT?!
Sexual harassment is now widely frowned upon. I mean, unless you know the guy really well, and he's really a good guy. Unless maybe we just need to cut him some slack because he grew up in another time. Unless you're really just making a big deal out of nothing and his value far exceeds yours so, if there's an issue, maybe you could just go away and stop making trouble for him? And if you do actually, beyond a shadow of a doubt, prove that he was harassing you, then yeah, maybe he'll lose this job. But someone else will employ him. And people will always, always, ALWAYS question if you weren't just making it up to get attention. Your reputation will be ruined far more thoroughly than his.
BUT WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT?!?!
Boys will be boys doesn't mean anything anymore. Unless he's raping high school girls and only five girls have come forward to report him. Then the school will still allow him to attend and offer to transfer the girls if they're really uncomfortable.
Men are supposed to respect boundaries. Unless you declined to give them your contact information and so they cyber stalked you until they found your name and address and phone number on your professional listing.
Boys aren't entitled to your time or attention but you know, sweetie, you could have just gone out with him once and it would have really helped his pride.
BUT WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BE ANGRY ABOUT?
Maybe the fact that our bodies don't legally belong to us. That it isn't just society, that the law itself is regressing, to tell us that we are obligated to make ourselves into a vessel for whatever a man demands of us.
Almost as though we weren't really people at all.
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