Monday, December 12, 2016

Day 83: Two-Hour Delay

This morning I was awoken at 5:30 am.

 This is my re-enactment of the face I made.

It was not, as it often is, one of my children crawling into my bed in order to impose their love upon me via the strategic application of cold feet and rambunctious wiggling.  Nor was it my dogs, desperate to know why I was lying abed when there are SO MANY THINGS in the world and ALL OF THEM need to be peed on.

No, this morning I was awoken by my phone.

It was ringing.

Now, before you make assumptions about my own level of technical brilliance, let me assure you: I do know how to silence my phone.  Unfortunately, I was also instilled with a high level of paranoia at a very young age that SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN which required my attention, and that paranoia has only grown now that I have spawned.  So, while I know how to silence my phone, in reality I only put it on vibrate, with the dubious logic that if someone really needs me, they'll call, and I'll feel the vibrations and wake up, whereas the occasional late night rumbles of my brothers having a conversation about the Big Bang Theory won't disturb me.

Quiet, you.  It isn't your phone.  Just let me have my coping mechanisms and leave me alone.

 Morning.  My old enemy.  I greet thee.

Anyway, my phone rang at 5:30.  I, knowing full well what a complete asshat of a year 2016 has been thus far, automatically assumed something dreadful was happening.

Turns out I was right.

See, it was an automated call from the school system.  The kids have a two hour delay.

Why is that awful?  Well, lemme 'splain.

(1) First of all, I was supposed to take my brother to the airport this morning.  That was gonna work fine when the kids went to school at 8:25.  Not so much at 10:25.  I had to stick the poor boy on the commuter rail.  I hope he makes it.

(2) I had a doctor's appointment this morning.  Other parents had other things.  ALL OF US are now not going to do those things.  We're going to do other things instead, things involving our children, and scrambling for child care coverage, and trying to figure out how to fit our six hour day into four hours.

(3) It's not like I get to sleep in because of the two hour delay.  In fact, I actually had to get up over an hour early, because once I realized my morning plans were boned I had to get up and figure out how I was going to fix it.

Now, lest someone get all shirty and talk about the safety of the kids, I would like to be clear: I 100% fully support the school system in them making whatever schedule adjustments they feel necessary in order to keep the students and teachers safe.

 Doesn't look like much, but the inadvertent split I did in the driveway confirms, 
this stuff is slippery.

I'm just gonna grumble about it over here.  Because days with delays are like the worst of both worlds.  You still gotta deal with the school routine, but the actual routine gets broken.  It's balls.

Oh well.  At least Elliot is happy about it.  Charlotte, on the other hand, agrees with me.  Apparently the delay is cutting into her social schedule.

Me, too, baby girl.  Me, too.






Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Day 82: Hamilton Makes the Best Parodies.

Today, we're accepting that I'm childish.  Cause I wrote this, and it's totally childish, but I'm too gleeful not to share it.

If you're not familiar with Hamilton, this isn't gonna make any sense.  Fair warning.

Anyway, various and assorted gentle folk, I present to you my "You'll Be Back" Parody, written for our soon-to-be Commander in Chief.  *Edit: I'm still not a dude, but I gave it my best shot.  The sock puppet was a genius inspiration from my friend Brown.  Enjoy. 

I'm in Charge
You say
The price of my wall’s not a price that you’re willing to pay
You cry
Over each foul remark that I make, and each grandiose lie
Why so sad?
The founders created this system which leaves me in power
And it’s making me mad
That SNL doesn’t respect my ascendent hour…

I’m in charge, don’t you see
All you little folk belong to me
I can do, as I please
Watch me bring the country to it’s knees
Oceans rise, but I ignore
All the science that has come before
And you rich, you’re in luck
Cause I’ll help you screw the country over good, just to make another buck

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da ya da!
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da…

You say I am destructive and it can’t go on
But I know you’re just bitter because I won
And no, I don’t like data
Cause facts are just for haters
It’s true because I say it
And you’re all gonna play it
This game I created, you’ll play it because you can’t help it

I’m in charge, you’re all mine
And I like the situation fine
It’s not fair, it’s not right
(But we know that I can fix that with might)
I’ve got plans, soon you’ll see
The Bill of Rights will be history
Cause when push, comes to shove
Civil rights and equal treatment, social justice—they just are not things I love

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da ya da!
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat—
Everybody!

Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da
Da da dat dat da ya da!
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da da da da
Dat dat da ya da!




Sunday, December 4, 2016

Day 81: When Someone Shows You Who They Are...

...believe them the first time.

This quote has been flying around online quite a bit, mostly as a response to the "wait and see" folks in regards to our new President-Elect.  But this past week I've been thinking about it in it's original context, as I've thought about my own life and talked to my friend quite a lot about hers.

I don't know why we, as people (possibly as women?  Although I'm not sure it's limited to women) have such a hard time believing in the reality other people choose to show us. 

Is it a biological trait, to focus on the hints of good even when we can see the glaring bad? 
Is it something socialized into us, by the fairy tale mythology of every story we're ever told, where if you love someone hard enough--either as a lover or a friend or a parent--you can save them from their own internal demons? 
Is it simply laziness?  Do we abhor the idea of trying to go out and form a new bond so thoroughly that we'd rather pretend our current bondee isn't a total asshat?

I don't know.  I don't know the cause.  But what I do know is that Maya Angelou was right.  People will say all sorts of things, but when someone shows you who they are, you should believe them the first time.  It will save you a world of pain.



People don't change because you care about them.  You do not have magical refining powers to draw the perfect diamond from a lump of coal.  It is possible for a person to change, but only if they want to.  Not because you want them to.

So, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

It really is better that way.  I promise.